What I’ve learned as a Primary Caregiver

First 2 months as Mom’s caregiver

My Mom has been living with us for 2 months now and, WOW, have I learned a lot! It’s been an adjustment for ALL of us.

To back up a little, we moved my Mom from Wisconsin, where she lived alone in an apartment, to North Carolina to live in our house. You can read about how we reached this decision on my other post, Making the decision to become a caregiver

Getting Mom ready for the move

The first thing we needed to do is get her ready for the move, she had about 6 weeks. Terry and I would be driving to Wisconsin to pick her up with a U-haul in tow. My brother lives in Wisconsin near her so he helped to get her packed up. He bought her Rubbermaid containers, which worked great for stacking in the U-Haul. Mom needed to go through all her things and decide what to do with them. There were 4 choices;

• Put the item in her lobby on the “free table”
• Trash it
• Pack it up to take to North Carolina
• Leave behind for the “Charity” that will be picking up what remains

When anyone moves, there are several things we all need to do. For my Mom, she had a few more things to get done.

• Give notice to Apartment Manager
• Get prescriptions filled
• Cancel the utilities
• Return the cable box
• Tell her doctors about her move
• Close bank account
• Cancel Medicare supplemental insurance policy
• Cancel Medicare drug coverage
• Give a change of address to Post Office
• Pack her overnight case
• Call the local charity to pick up what’s left(my brother took care of this)
• Clean the apartment to make sure she gets the security deposit back(my brother did this after we left)

Since three of my siblings were in the state of Wisconsin at the time, we decided to meet at Moms on moving day. That way, they could see her before she left, and we could also visit with each other. Remember, we were taking her about 1200 miles from her home, it wouldn’t be easy for any of them to visit her in North Carolina. We said our goodbyes, loaded up the U-Haul, and Mom, and headed down the road.

Priorities

This was my list of priorities after the move.

• Medicare supplemental policy
• Part D, drug coverage
• New checking account
• Doctor appointments; with primary doctor and specialists
• New prescriptions

The easy part was making room for Mom. I set up a bedroom for her which I thought would be very comfortable. She had her own bathroom with a raised toilet seat. My Mom walks with a walker so I had to rearrange some things in the house so she could get around better. My dog, Poppie, is still trying to figure out what a walker is? He doesn’t like the sound it makes or how he has to get out of the way.

Change is hard, but it does get easier with time. Now I had to tackle my Priority List!

Complications

I knew nothing about Medicare or supplemental insurance policies, so I went to my local insurance agent for help. He set up the Medicare Supplement, which he got in force as soon as possible. Normally, you can only get a Medicare Supplement once a year in January, but, since she had moved, they made an exception. I had to get the drug coverage myself on the medicare website. I had to enter all her medications and then choose the best policy for her. I found out later that there are 4 stages for Part D(drug) coverage. I didn’t have a clue! It’s too hard to explain everything here and I am still learning, but at least she had drug coverage now.

The checking account turned out to be an issue. My plan was to get my name on her checking account(she was OK with this) but, the bank requires a valid ID to open a new checking account, my Mom didn’t have this. I didn’t realize that she had let her Wisconsin Driver’s License expire. This meant that she did not have a valid ID. The only thing we could do was to get her a state ID which had to be done at the DMV. I know she can not wait in those long lines, so I’ll have to make an appointment for her. We haven’t done this yet, but what we did do was call her bank and told them about the move and change of address. The account is still a valid checking account, and her social security check is still going into that account through direct deposit, that will work for now. She can also use her debit card for purchases.

My doctor agreed to take her as a new patient so I was able to get her an appointment one week after we got back home. He referred her to the 2 specialists she needed and he gave her paper prescription that we could fill as needed. She has since seen both of the specialists that she needs. This part worked out well!

We had a problem canceling her medicare supplement policy from the state of Wisconsin. They billed her for October and took the premium out of her bank account even though this policy was not valid in North Carolina. After, 4 phone calls and not getting anywhere, I have filed a claim with the Insurance Commissioner in Wisconsin. We are still waiting to hear from them.

I learn more things every day. I make more adjustments every day. We are all learning to live together. It’s important for everyone to have their own “private” space. We all need a little “alone time” once in a while. Terry and I also need our time together. For now, we go out-to-eat or to a movie. We usually are not away for more than a few hours at a time. We are working toward taking a vacation sometime soon. Maybe we will be taking Mom with us, but we would also like some time alone.

We are still looking for local support to help care for Mom when we are away. Terry has a group of teenagers/college-age young people that go with him on mission trips through his ministry. He has contacted a few of the college-age girls, some are interested in staying with Mom overnight so we can get away(of course, we would pay them). YAY! I look forward to that happening soon, maybe for an anniversary getaway!

We also purchased a Lifeline service for Mom, the kind where she pushes the button for help when we are away. This has been a huge comfort for all of us! We had all made this decision together and I know we will work it out together! I still believe that she has a better life living with us.

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Let me know if you can relate to this. I’ll be writing more about our daily adventures soon!

You may also enjoy reading about our trip: Epic Road Trip

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